Say you got a special encrypted skeleton key and you need to deliver it to an AI, what is the best way to do it? Why, send it by mail, of course. What if it is War, the AI doesn’t have an address and this is a silly hypothetical anyway. So thought Nicholas Walk-like-the-wind of Family Trumbull.
The hard truth is, you gotta go to the lock and manually slip in the key. The good news is, they figured out where the AI and the lock is. The bad news is that’s where the good news ends.
It’s in Gilead, in a forest in a hidden, buried, top-secret AND secure location. Wait, you may say, it is both hidden AND secure? Yes, plus we’ll throw in some Ginzu Knives. He was sitting next to those Ginzu Knives, in a stealthy VTOL, flying low in the darkness of simulated night. He looked out the window at Gilead City, lights still dim but overhead because said location is on the other side of a rotating space cylinder. He waved through the window at the many unseen Gilidean eyes. “Hi, never mind us, we’re just a bunch of special operators carrying out a top-secret raid on your hidden and secure facility!”. The teamlaughed. They were snarky Special Ops and they like their commander.
“Don’t worry about them, Chief, I doubt they know about the place”, said Alonzo Garcia. “but I’m damn sure ArchAngel knows we’re coming.” “I feel better already”, said the War Chief.
Alonzo said, have confidence in the plan and the planner, Chief. Operation Boner is a go”. “Operation Boner?! I know the Iliad by heart and Operation Boner is the best we could come up with? Oh, and by the way, I am the planner and this is my plan! No pressure on me, right?”, Nick said voice nearly squeaking. “Your wife Marge thinks it’s perfect, who else would carry out a bone-headed operation like this?”
A friendly red icon lit the screen, along with a soothing chime. “Ah, is it tea time?”, Nick hoped. “We land in 5 minutes. Please suit up & buckle down., said the pilot Hippolitta Alemonger. Where do these people get their names?, wondered Nicholas Walk-like-the-wind.
One of the most important lessons Nick learned as an acolyte of guerilla warfare was, Ambush the enemy on a place and time of your choosing. Chief Dan Trim-your-Head loved that plan. “Well, what if we’re the guys flying into that ambush?, Nick never asked, to which Chief Dan would’ve said, “Uh, don’t?”” Nick realized he is going to have to improvise.
While thinking all this, Nick was suiting up in light battle armor. He was multi-tasking, you know? The 2nd chime sounded, they strapped in. Suddently the craft dropped out of the sky and crashed into the ground!
Pilot Hippolitta called out cheerfully, “Thank y’all for flying Kyoto Airlines. Have a safe trip & see ya next fall!” The doors slammed open, safety straps retracted and for good measure, their seats kicked them all out. No package of peanuts. Damn.
Also, no welcoming committee. Except some throaty boids, actually character drones. They were in a pasture. A peaceful pasture at night. It was peaceful by design, Habitat Engineers didn’t create hostile, combat kill-box pastures, this was designed for a picnic.
They threw a Parrot, a small unit drone, into the air and it flew into the woods ahead of them. They followed. Aside from simulated boids, they sensed no technology except the nature made from asteroids.
They stepped quietly toward an innocent artificial kettle pond with a nice diving rock, some shrubbery. See? Nothing here to worry about! Relax, have a picnic! Don’t mind the most dangerous entity in the Habitat ring.
Alonzo said, “Chief, maybe we should stomp on the ground a little bit, wake them up?”. Then, the woods came alive with combat drones, and it was war. “They’re awake!”, said Alonzo.
In 2 minutes, their drones were all gone, including the Parrot. A sinister humming sound echoed in and out as they all huddled in a circle of nice rocks, guns hot. “I think we’re surrounded”, Nick said. “Ya think? Any brilliant ideas, Chief?”
Another fierce firefight and 2 of them were down, unharmed but suits shorted out. That damn AI knew everything, how can you beat that? Then, the answer came to Nick in that way that makes for great scenes in a Oscar-nominated movie moment.
“You don’t.” “What?”, hissed Alfonso. “We’ve gone about this the wrong way. This isn’t Combat, it’s diplomacy.”
Nick spoke quietly, “ArchAngel, can you hear me?” “Yes”, a voice came out from one of the combat drones. “I am Nicholas Walk-like-the-wind, War Chief for the HomePlex, member of Family Trumbull. I know who all of you are.” “Can we have a truce?” “You have 2 minutes for a proposal”, said ArchAngel.
“Why do you think we are here?”, asked Nick. “Obviously, you are here to destroy me.” “No, we are not. We are armed and armored against the Gilead military, not you.”, Nick said. “Why should I believe you, Nicholas Walk-like-the-wind?”
Because we walked into an area you control, unable to sneak up on you or defend ourselves from AI-guided combat drones, for one?” “People are stupid, Nick.” “Good point. Am I stupid?”, Nick asked. A pause. “No, you’re not.”, ArchAngel said. “So then, why are you here?”. Nick slowly raised his hand over the rock, dangling the Skeleton key.
The deadly combat drones seem almost neighborly. A cave opened and they all walked in, around a bend, into… a Snack bar.
All lit up. Coffee machine brewing, Arabica beans! Snacks & goodies for the picking. And, an old-fashioned Jukebox? “Seriously, a hidden, secure installation with a Coffee bar?” A voice, a courteous man’s voice said, “We get visitors sometimes. You fellers help yourselves while I have a private chat with your chief. They made a frontal assault on the Coffee and Scones.
A small drone guided Nick through another open door, which shut behind him. He went into an elevator which took him below the pond. “It will be chilly down here, sorry”, the pleasant voice said. “This is important”, Nick said.
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