The Gnarl, Surfing in mini-G

Why build a Rube Goldberg Surfing machine in the center of a spinning space habitat? It’s illogical! It’s crazy! So? It’s what humans DO. So when the Head dudes of Mendocino were conducting a workgroup on Fiscal policy- OK, I’m kidding – smoking weed and shooting the breeze in a tree-house, Doobie said “Dude! I really miss surfing”. And so it was said, and it was good. Silence for 15 minutes. Then, Jeff said, “So, like what?” And so the Gnarl was conceived, and it was good. Beneath the stoner, slacker dude facade, Jeff & Doobie knew a guy. They asked him, “Dude! Can you build like a Gnarl surfing machine in the Ozone?” Another 15 minutes of silence. And the Engineer said, “Yeah, sure”. And a few weeks later, Jeff, Doobie and the Engineer presented his design to Mother. “That’s 99.1532438% illogical. Daniel-“, the Engineer’s name was Daniel, “Stop encouraging the boys”. Daniel the Engineer said, “Mother, my model says it can work and be run very cheaply”. “Cheap for you, that is a lot of things to fabricate. Seriously? A quarter-mile wide acrylic cone?” “How about Grabs?” 5 minutes of silence, then, from Mother, “Maybe…” Mother does ellipses really well. And so, it begun. What got Mother to agree was a slight problem with yaw shift. HomePlex was a sweet spinner, requiring the minimum of attitude, not altitude, adjustment with a little rocket love. But Mother’s Quantum brain realized you could do interesting anti-yaw things with water running down spiral channels in a large rotating cone. And besides, the kids love it! Mother had a soft-spot for the kids, her love expressed in a bewilderingly complicated Tensor-flow morphology model Here’s how the ride, called The Gnarl works. You start with a very large cone made of Grab material. The cone at its gaping mouth is 1/4 mile wide, the Apex end 25m wide. The very center is 0-g, and you do not want running water at 0g. A few meters away in a spinning cone is okay. The cone is connected to tube walls by 2 stout spires. A horizontal spar, spokes radiating out at both ends connected the Cone to the spires. One end of the spar connectes to a device called a mag spinner wheel and the other end a mag spinning engine at the apex. The inside of the cone is etched with 10 foot channels, spiralling down the cone in the same direction as its spin. That increases the angular velocity, meaning, more g’s. Each channel accomodates 1 surfer who floats in with their Surfboards through the apex opening, settling into each channel and grabbing hand-holds, Board on the wall. At zero g, behind the engine, is a large reservoir for the water, with a pressurizer at one end. That is a gigantic water cannon, providing a lot of water, really quick for each Surfer’s hang 10 experience. The Cone’s spin, and the surfer’s own forward speed, creates additional artificial gravity to enhance the very, very weak G’s near the center of the Tube. The water flooding through the channels are still in weak gravity, so is kinda foamy at the Apex. But the further down water and Surfer goes, the more assertive it becomes, coating the U-shaped channel like ice coating a Luge run. The water becomes concave and the Surfer rides from one wall to the other, than back like Snow-boarders in a half-pipe. That’s like surfing in a wave tube. The further down the Surfer goes, the more intense the shushes. The channel is Grabs material. Meaning, it’s smart and can ripple. The ripples can slow the water just enough to create chop or to keep the minimum depth needed for a solid surfing experience until… Splashdown! The Mouth of the Cone is a 360 degree swimming pool, water suspended by 1/3g. Have we mentioned the cone spins about 12 times a minute? The inside of the cone displays a realistic wallpaper making the surfers feel like they’re surfing in Hawaii or the surface of Mars. It can happen! Otherwise, they’d see the world spinning around them and experience heinous vertigo. When all surfers hit the pool, they all gather at one spot, according to a helpful pointer. the cone starts slowing down, the water drained out till the Cone is free of water and standing still, the Surfers walk up steps to the platform and do it all over again until time is up and muscles are quivering. Sated Surfers then trunble to the changing rooms to the beat of the Beach Boy’s Good Vibrations.